Disappointment

3 10 2012

I haven’t written anything here for God knows how long coz I always found another way to express how I felt, talk to a friend or post a random tweet. But not this time. This time i’m here coz it’s the place where I have the least audience, maybe even non at all. This time I’m here to state that I’m disappointed in my self. And it’s no mystery that my friends and family feel the same way! Over the past couple of months I’ve managed to put my whole life on hold, stop doing every thing I loved, driven my best friends away, stopped thinking of who I am or what I wanted to do with my life. Ironically, everything else has managed to get ruined by itself. The place where I’ve worked for the past four years fell apart and is closing now, most of my friends I can’t face coz we’d have to go through the “what have you been doing with your life lately” and I’d have to see the pitty looks and sweet advices I hear from every one about needing to move on and getting a life. Reminding me of the hopes they had for me and how much they are disappointed. My family thinks the only thing I do now is sit on my ass all day, which is true, apparently it’s the only thing am good at so far! I can’t keep up a relationship with any thing or any body for a long enough time either. I have no idea what the hell am writing! Screw it…





أمانة يا بحر…

16 02 2010

لملمت أوراقي سريعا فور أن وصلت السيارة اللتي أقلتني من القاهرة، مدينة الزحام و الضوضاء، الى شاطئ الأسكن100_1230دريه الأزرق الساحر الجمال. أخذت الأوراق من المقعد الخلفي و الكرسي من صندوق السيارة و سرت متلهفاً للقاء البحر كمهاجر عائد لأحضان محبوبته. أعبر الكورنيش بحذر، عين على الطريق و الأخرى على صفحات المياه الزرقاء.

بسرعة كنت جالساً على اللسان المفضل لدي في وسط البحر، و من خلفي أترك مبنى سان ستيفانو الجديد الفاره الطبع و التصميم. جميل المبنى ولكني دائماً ما أحسست انه يفقد مدينة الأسكندر رونقها و عراقتها و اصالتها. أترك من خلفي الكورنيش الواسع و السيارات الحديثة التي تدهسه بسرعتها الجنونية و سائقيها اللا مبالين لما هم فاقدين. أحس أحياناً أنّي أحقد على أهل هذه المدينة الجميلة، فهم يعيشون فيها طوال العام و يتمتعون بجمال شاطئها وقتما شاءوا فصارو لا يكترثون و لا يشعرون له بحنيني.

اجلس على كرسي الصغير لأشاهد أمواج البحر، ترطتم بأحجار اللسان مرة و تحتضنها مرات أخرى. يجلس على تلك الأحجار الصيادين من مختلف الأعمار و الطبقات. يرمون مع كل طعم يضعونه في سنانيرهم همومهم و متاعب الدنيا لتأكلها سمكة شاردة أو تذيبها مياه البحر المالحة فيخرج خطاف السنارة خاليا من خيبة أمل و بأخرى.

العنوان هو لأغنية لمحمد منير





I am Exceptional

27 01 2010

Please watch the film first:

 

El moshkela akid mesh fel nas, el moshkela akid fik (the problem is not with the people, the problem has got to be with me). If you believe that then you better kill your self and get done with it!

I was watching an independent film at a culture center when those words were said. The film was called "Unclaimed" or (lam yostadal 3la 3enwan). It’s about a lonely middle aged man who had no friends and lived alone. He worked in a government office where had no friendly colleagues either and even people doing their affairs in the office he worked in didn’t go to his desk but headed to his colleagues. Nobody asked about him, cared how he was doing, called him, or even wrote to him. He felt depressed and started wondering for the reason.

He even started writing him self letters and mailing them to his address. The letters were returned to his work as Unclaimed. The more the letters the more the Unclaimed the more the depression. He decided to call himself and leave a message on the answering machine that always told him that he had no new messages but the number was out of service! He headed to his own street and building asking the people around for himself, but "nobody lives here with this name" or "never heard of him" came the answers.

That’s when he thought "the problem is not with the people, the problem had to be me" you might as well throw your self off the balcony! I always believed that there’s a critical point of return where a person shouldn’t let him self reach. Just before that point one should have a pause, a moment of silence then a blast for something crazy, something new, something cheerful that would make me feel there’s still hope. i should be myself, normal, my own normal, the normal that’s normal for me, away from stereotypes and standardizm. Hell no!

The problem is not with me. I cope with people the way they are and they should accept me the way i am and have the tolerance to live with me as i with them. But if you reach the point where you despise yourself and your life you will try to change, then you will try to change. The uncomfortable zone! You can’t live as other people just because the majority are like that. It’s not comfortable. You were not brought up like that, and you can’t change in days what was planted for years. You can’t go back either, because once you leave it in despise it despises you too. Rejects you when ever you come near it, and that’s where you feel lost in between.

The search for the soul.

Sit with yourself. Talk to her. Respect her, she deserves that, and she will respect you in return.

Know where you are. You can even write a list of demands. Give yourself time to find itself.

Now go out and start shopping. Shop for you list. Search for what you want and don’t let go till you find it. Go to new places where nobody "normal" would go that’s where you will find your match.

I AM HAPPY TO BE EXCEPTIONAL, HOW ARE YOU?





Hakawy el A’ahawy

13 01 2010

I was sitting at a coffee shop waiting for my girl to finish her tutorial lessons on a nice sunny day. I was sitting alone, unprepared, without a book to read or headphones to listen to my music, so I decided to listen to the sound of birds which was magically loud and clear that day. But the crowd was loud too, for I was sitting among other people who happen to not notice the beauty of the birds or the sun among other things they didn’t notice. I wasn’t eavesdropping! But through the tweaking birds and the loud guests I had to hear some things.

Unfortunately, everything that I heard bugged me! school_books

I was sitting with my back to a wall, facing a Cairo side street. To my right was a simple, or rather a poor man in his fourty’s wearing a worn out Jalabia and Shebsheb (slippers). I’m not going to talk much about him, for he was sitting alone and didn’t talk much except to order tea or ask for more lit coal for his Shisha.
To my front were sitting two middle aged men and on a third chair sat a pile of different books.

The pile of books drew my attention. They were of different types and colors. My week eyesight wasn’t of much help with the titles but I managed to pick up some author names. Anis Mansour and Naguib Mahfouz were among other unknown authors; at least they were unknown to me. From some words I managed to read off the titles, the books were a collection of novels, poetry, and political books. And to my left sat two other middle aged men who we’ll come to later.

At first I thought one of the two men sitting around the table with the books was a book seller but it turned out in the end that they were not.
From the accent of one of them I realized he wasn’t from the city, Upper Egypt was my best guess. The other was a middle class city man in a cheap suit and a white shirt with a dirty collar.

Their voice was fading up as the argument heated. From the conversation I deduced that the man with the accent was a books editor or worked in a publish house. The other one in the cheap suite was what seemed to be a "wannabe" writer or author (I have a reason to call him a "wannabe")

The editor guy was talking about his work and the processes that followed him, how he edits articles, books, and novels. How he’d take hand written work and type it on the computer then edit it and spell check it till it’s ready for print. Then the publish house’s work on the cover and cover material. That all didn’t bother me, for all that was work that someone had to do.

What bothered me was how invaluable he made it all sound! How he spread to the other guy his list of "price". I know this is his job and that it’s what he did for a living, but the way he argued his price with the wannabe and the way he held the pack of valuable books in his hand feeling the covers of the books like he was selling cloth fabric! The way he treated it like it had no value for him other than it got him more money! Really great people spent months or maybe years to write these books on paper for people to benefit from, for people to be enlightened. Did Naguib Mahfouz write his books and argue about how much it would cost to publish them?

Even if it was a venue of profit for the editor, what about that wannabe? He’s a wannabe who’s not even good at being a wannabe, whether he was looking for rich or fame, he didn’t want to pay enough for it. He didn’t value his on work! Even if for other people who would publish his work it didn’t mean anything but a commission for the middle man, he should take pride in it an honor it! Did Anis Mansour allow his books to be published in a cheap cover because a good cover would be taken out of his share? I could only think of Tawfik El-Hakim who would do that, but we all know he was cheap; it had nothing to do with not valuing his work!

That day when i went home, i was so disgusted, yes, disgusted! Some may say it’s a strong word, but that’s how i felt. It’s normal for someone like me who keeps his books in a drawer to keep them away from the dust, and reads them so carefully without totally wide opening the pages to keep the book unbroken from the side and as good as new. I ran into my room, opened my, book drawer and gently carried a bunch of then in my arms. Dug my nose close to smell the papers. Admired the looks of them and thought how crazy i am in love with good old books. Treating them as my children or even more as other people’s children who made an honest effort to put them in my hands and now i have to look after them…

As for the two men sitting on my left, I’m too disgusted to talk about them now, but believe me, you don’t want to hear about them either…





60 things girls would like guys to know

24 11 2009

Of course am kidding!! did you really think I’d post a list of things girls would like guys to know?!!

this list is abstracted from a FB group and what’s written in red between brackets is only my personal opinion:

If you’re a guy who’s puzzled over girls and what they’re thinking, here’s what you should know in our opinions…

1. When you compliment us, we aren’t sure how to accept the compliment without leading you on or reject the compliment without hurting you. (we’re not always looking for a lead on, sometimes your earrings just look nice)

2. We like it when you say we’re beautiful or pretty, NOT hot or sexy! We’re not whores (usually). (Usually)

3. We like you to be specific in your compliments (don’t just say we’re beautiful, say you look beautiful because those earrings bring out your eyes, etc.) (if you want to hear a compliment like that go hand out at a gays bar!!)

4. WE HATE BEING LED ON! If you think it’s bad being led on by a girl, try being led on by a guy. (ever thought that the guy is just friendly)

5. We like it when guys are willing to have an actual relationship, not just a one-night stand. Most girls don’t like pimps or players, just guys who like ONE girl only. (and most guys don’t like nags and whores, so if u turn out to be one on the first night, you just made it a one-night stand)

6. But don’t be obsessive. Major turn-off. (you can’t live without constant 24/7 attention, make  your mind!!!)

7. Please put your ego aside in important situations. We love it when you stand up for us, but not when you stand up against us. (if you are wrong, no matter who you are to us, we’ll tell you that you are)

8. Call sometimes, just to say hi, not for a certain reason. When we see your number on caller ID, our heart always skips a beat. (i save my right not to comment, after all, i have a neck to watch for :D)

9. If we’re PMSing, listen to whatever we have to say and agree, no matter what. Don’t give advice, just give chocolate. (when you are PMSing just stay home and spare us all the trouble)

10. Don’t talk about the way other girls look. (then don’t ask us what we think about the way other girls look)

11. Actually, don’t really talk about other girls in general, unless we’re all friends. If I don’t know her, I don’t want to hear about her. (I’m not going down that road!!)

12. BE HONEST! (be ready to hear the truth!!!)

13. Don’t ONLY tell us what we want to hear. We HATE that. (it’s already hard to know what you want to hear, besides, you are never satisfied with anything else)

14. At sleepovers, if you wonder what we talk about, quit worrying. It really is only you. (at sleepovers, we only care about what you girls do, looking for some nasty actions, when you say you were just talking, we hang over it just to keep our minds off the disappointment. don’t flatter yourself and think we want to be your only subject)

15. If you catch us staring, it is most likely because we’re spacing out, not because we really stare at you. Unless we smile when you notice. Then you either look really hot, or we like you. (stare all you want, we know how your brains work and we know why you stare, and we know it’s not because you like us)

16. We love a guy who will cook for us. (best chefs are male, yet they don’t cook at their homes)

17. We like it when you hold us when we’re crying. It’s good to feel loved and safe. (unfortunately we don’t always hold you to make you feel safe, sometimes it’s just to hold you – sorry about that but some of us are a** holes)

18. If you’re ever unsure about something, just go for it. Trust us, we’ll let you know if you made a mistake. (if you want something done in a curtain way then do it your self. if you ask us to do it then just sit down and watch. we’re always sure we can do it – what ever it is – we’re only unsure about what would actually satisfy you)

19. If you like us, ask us out!!!! We hate waiting.
HATE IT. (so you can play hard to get and then we would have to wait?! no way)

20. We CANNOT read minds. The one thing all girls will say is that we have no idea what you are thinking, no matter how confident we seem. (same here! so make it easier for all of us and say it)

21. Don’t go to our friends to talk about us. Come straight to us. ( we may go to your friends only about the things you don’t want to hear)

22. If a girl’s BFF asks you if you like that girl, then she likes you. Say you want to talk to the girl about it, then actually talk to her. (the oldest game in the book)

23. Don’t be a player. We hate that. (yeah, we hate it too)

24. Don’t tell us you love us unless you are positive you mean it. If we don’t say it back, it’s just that we really want to mean it when we say it. Don’t say it right away, then it shows lack of commitment. (and if we don’t say it then we’re just players :@)

25. We like our hands to be held and our waists to be touched. (and we’re happy to do it :D)

26. Waist, not butt. Hands, not boobs. Held, not fondled. (depends on #2)

27. Try to look nice as much as possible. Not dressed up, but if you look like you just rolled out of bed, it can be a turn-off. (if you won’t dress like the victoria’s secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys)

28. WE LOVE WHEN YOU SMELL GOOD! Wear cologne! (but not too much!!!!! We don’t want to choke on your smell when you pass us in the hallway!) (truth to be said, some guys do smell)

29. We like you to kiss our hand and cheeks and forehead (esp. forehead!!) (we like you to kiss our lips, hands, and others)

30. We like it when you’re tender, but don’t lose your masculinity. (that’s what your girl friends are for)

31. Do chivalrous things when we least expect it (ex. holding doors for us). (personally i do that, and when i miss it once for a reason, not because i intend not to do it, i have it in my face – sorry baby- )

32. Be a guy! We like sensitivity, but we don’t want another girlfriend. We might mistake you for being gay. Seriously. (then don’t ask for #30, seriously, make your mind)

33. As surprising as it may be, while guys might actually look at personality, the first thing girls look at tends to be looks. We’re not going to see you and think, ‘I wonder what his personality is like!’. Terrible, but true. (terrible, shallow, and true!)

34. Be confident, but not piggish. You’re not all that, but we don’t want you to be self-conscious. (I’ll give you that)

35. We like to see you get hurt. If you get hurt, don’t feel afraid to show that your in pain. It’s kind of cute (in moderation). (it’s not that we don’t want to show you we are in pain, it’s that we don’t like to show pain at all)

36. Be our knight in shining armor. Treat us like a princess, but be the decision maker in the relationship. (then get ready to comply to our decisions and don’t argue)

37. We like it when you ask us what we’re ok with physically, but don’t talk about it all the time. (all i could think of is X-rated)

38. We LOVE it when you get nervous around us. It’s adorable! Don’t think you have to be Mr. Cool Guy all the time.

39. Don’t play hard to get. (who?!)

40. If you don’t call us, then we will spend hours thinking about why you never called, and we will waste a lot of time thinking about it, eventually coming to the conclusion that we don’t like you anymore. (sometimes we are just busy, we’re sorry we don’t have time to waste waiting for a phone call)

41. We lost interest quickly if you lead us on but never take action. (again, we might be just friendly, or interested in your friend)

42. We might seem to flirt a lot, but a girl always thinks about the one guy she really likes right before she falls asleep. (we can’t control our dreams, so don’t ask us to dream of you. if girls can do that then i envy you)

43. When a girl likes a guy, she subconsciously gives him a song that makes her think of him every time she hears it. (we don’t like some music genres, don’t make us hear it or we’ll hate you as much as we hate the song)

44. If guys do the same as girls do in #43, tell what song reminds you of her. (we don’t, or at least it’s not one song)

45. In a conversation, LOOK AT HER FACE . (X-rated again)

(#46 was not included because obviously girls can’t count)

47. Randomly compliment girls in conversations. If you’re talking about sports, be like “Oh, by the way, that shirt really made your eyes look green today.” (again, if you want to hear something like that, go to a gays club)

48. Ask us about how we’re doing once in a while, and at least pretend to be interested. (we ask what’s wrong and you say “nothing” we believe you and we don’t have a reason to doubt your answer, so don’t expect us to ask again or push for another answer coz we have no reason to)

49. If we’re upset and we’re crying, just be there, don’t try to give us advice, psychoanalyze us, or pester us. Just give us a hug and let us know you’re there. (we are natural problem solvers, if you want a crying shoulder go to your girlfriends)

50. If we’re not talking to you, we secretly want you to talk to us first. (“secretly” only applies in the world of espionage, we don’t have a sixth sense and sometime we don’t have something to talk about)

51. Play with our hair without being like a gay hairstylist.

52. Always IM us first. We don’t want to IM you first, and if we have to, we will automatically think that you don’t like us, wonder why you didn’t IM us, and feel desperate. (IM is not as efficient as a phone call, and generally IM is a culture we don’t know)

53. We get really happy when you show any sign of interest. Don’t just do it and then never do it again. (you forget fast and allot, we don’t like to repeat ourselves and when we are done with something, it’s done)

54. Keep up the conversation on IM and phones and in person! Don’t be awkward. (news flash!! we have a part of our brains called the “NOTHING BOX” sometimes we just  want to be quiet and have nothing to say)

55. We will always feel bad if we don’t like you back. Not all girls are bitches, no matter what you may think. We hate to reject you.
^^^^ok, so some girls are bitches and they like rejecting boys, but the people who wrote this group are not. better? (most of us don’t care if you don’t like us back, we are just taking a shot, and if we look sad when you turn us down we are just playing for your sympathy or the sympathy of your girl friends)

56. If we say “Let’s just be friends”, we really mean it. Don’t keep trying to pursue us, and don’t say ok and then ignore us. That’s just mean. (we will ignore you coz if we’re in for something and we don’t get we move on)

57. It’s adorable when a best guy friend who a girl has thought about liking confesses he likes her. (i know that fact from a personal experience, and it works both ways btw)

58. Girls love it when relationships are old fashioned and romantic. Always ask permission. (we don’t like the pressure)

59. If a girl blushes when you talk to her, she either likes you or she’s embarrassed by what you’re saying. (in both situations girls should say something)

60. Every time you smile at us, it may mean only a little to you, but it means the world to us. Don’t take the little things for granted.

the previous 60 points are taken from a FB group as mentioned before and the comments are from my personal point of view the way i thought of them the first time i read those points. i should say that this doesn’t apply to all girls, some of them are smart, wise and understanding.

although this post might get me in to personal trouble with my girlfriend, but I’m sure she’s one of those wise girls i mentioned lately. i just want to say that i love her, but still if i don’t turn up with a post or a comment in a week feel free to get worried and look for my grave stone 😀





Friends

17 09 2009


Rembrandts

I’ll Be There For You Lyrics

So no one told you life was gonna be this way

Your jobs a joke, you’re broke, your love life’s D.O.A.

It’s like you’re always stuck in second gear

And it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month,

or even your year

but..


I’ll be there for you

When the rain starts to pour

I’ll be there for you

Like I’ve been there before

I’ll be there for you

‘Cuz you’re there for me too…


You’re still in bed at ten

And work began at eight

You’ve burned your breakfast

So far… things are goin’ great


Your mother warned you there’d be days like these

Oh but she didn’t tell you when the world has brought

You down to your knees that…


I’ll be there for you

When the rain starts to pour

I’ll be there for you

Like I’ve been there before

I’ll be there for you

‘Cuz you’re there for me too…


No one could ever know me

No one could ever see me

Seems you’re the only one who knows

What it’s like to be me

Someone to face the day with

Make it through all the rest with

Someone I’ll always laugh with

Even at my worst I’m best with you, yeah


It’s like you’re always stuck in second gear

And it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month,

or even your year…


I’ll be there for you

When the rain starts to pour

I’ll be there for you

Like I’ve been there before

I’ll be there for you

‘Cuz you’re there for me too…


I’ll be there for you

I’ll be there for you

I’ll be there for you

‘Cuz you’re there for me too…

To all my good friends: Cinderella, Hassan, Rana, Ola, Ezz, Mohsen, Salem 🙂





Nada bet7eb Mahmoud

31 05 2009

I was standing at the Bon Appetite counter ordering lunch at El-Ahly Club when those words hit my ears stronger than a thunder bolt, so loud and clear: “la2et el nas kollaha 3arfa en Nada bet7eb Mohmoud” (i found out that every body knows that Nada loves Mahmoud). I was taken with surprise for a while, then looked at the speaker. She was about 14 years old, a little kid girl with her kid girl friend. Suddenly the picture of that lame Vodafone commercial jumped in front of my eyes: Bibo far2a3 Gigy (Bibo blew up with Gigy)!! 😀

Then i felt sooooo old! what has happened to the world? when did kids that age start talking about love? what happened to the kids of the new generation? talking about love, fights, boob jobs done by celebrities, Noor and Mohannad, star academy, play station, Esam El 7adary and how he’s not as cute as C. Ronaldo 😀

I’m not saying my whole generation spent their time reading Encyclopedias or Watching Discovery, but i don’t remember us having that amount of lameness, empty headedness, or shallowness in our conversations.

I guess that was before Pokémon’s invaded the west (yes, west! it came from Asia, so we are the west of that) then it all went wrong. Kids started fighting over rare cards, and wrong moves (all they had to do was flash a card, I have no idea how could that go wrong). then it was made tokens in Chipsy packs, then kids started buying them for the tokens and throw the rest of the pack away. Then came cable TV, and came MTV’s role, introducing us to all kinds of video clips and singing mania, Star academy, Nancy Agram, and Haifaa Wahby.

Untitled

What happened to Ragol el Mosta7il (man of the impossible) and 3arosty (no direct translation, it’s a clue guess game). What happened to those Muppets on TV, although they were dumb but taught the kids a lesson or two. Where did Wanis and Maysa go, bringing up a generation of good mothers and fathers? When did we stop going to sports clubs to play sports and go for picking up girls instead?

Somebody tell me, when did it all go wrong?